


Decisions

by Mishra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:41:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2483411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishra/pseuds/Mishra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Decisions. We all make them every day and they make us who are. James, Sirius, Remus, Lily and Peter all have to make important decisions in their lives. This story follows these decisions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. James

The vodka burned in James throat as it went down. He welcomed it. He was lying on the soft grass on a hill which was part of his family's grounds. He knew his parents would be furious with him if they knew that he was out in the open in the middle of the night, but he was not worried. At least not about his current safety. The grounds were well protected and he did not think the Death Eaters bold enough yet to attack such a prominent family as his own. However, he might be wrong. After all, Richard and Margaret Bones were murdered in the home merely a week ago. The Bones were old friends of the family and strong supporters of Muggle rights. Both had long been retired, but they still had influenced the Ministry of Magic behind the scenes. Neighbours had found their dead bodies in the morning with the dark mark floating eerily in the sky. The loss had shaken James, not because he had been terribly close with them, but for the harsh edge of seriousness it added to his world. Until this point, the brewing conflict had seemed so far away. A problem which the adults discussed in low tones, while he and his friends had some fun. He had seen the signs in Hogwarts of course, but there was a big difference between calling Muggleborns ugly names and actually murdering people.

The thought of Hogwarts sent another wave of bitterness through James's mind. He had just finished his fifth year and it could not have ended worse. He clearly remembered the argument with Evans during the aftermath of the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. James was still convinced that she had overreacted. Sure, he had been out of line and should not have picked this fight with Snape just because Sirius was bored. It just was so easy to find justification for tormenting this greasy git. The hatred between them had been going one for so long that it felt natural by now. The mere thought of being civil to Snape seemed alien and impossible to him.

But Snape was not the issue here, Lily Evans was. James sighed deeply and took another long swig of liquor. He really messed up with her. Lily and he had never really gotten along. They had started on the wrong foot all the way back in first year and their different personalities had clashed a lot in the past. Then in the beginning of fifth year, James had suddenly realized that she had gotten really pretty. Before he knew what was happening he was infatuated with bloody Lily Evans of all people. Sirius had teased him mercilessly when he had learned about his best friends crush, but James had been determined. So, he had started asking her out only to see each attempt crash and burn spectacularly. He had been persistent, thinking that Evans was only playing hard to get, but really liked him deep down. Boy, had he been wrong. The escalation at the end of the year had opened his eyes. As Evans had shouted at him about Snape, he had taken a deep look into her annoyingly pretty eyes. He had seen true loathing there. It had rattled him to the core and he had not even needed her explicit preference of the giant squid to know that he had no chance with her. He had finished the conversation more or less on autopilot with her. Now here he was, merely a few days after school had ended and he was still no wiser on how to proceed. He was bitter and angry, at Evans, but mostly at himself. Sirius had warned him. His mate had many faults, but he certainly knew how to seduce the female population of Hogwarts. Sirius had told him again and again that he should give up Evans and chase other witches. He had told him that many witches in Hogwarts would gladly go out with him and that he was an idiot chasing the one girl he could not have. James had not believed him at the time, hell he had not even wanted other girls then, but now it seems that Sirius had been right.

Merlin, he would probably be insufferable for a month as soon as James admitted this.

Nevertheless, it was time to make a decision: He was done with Lily Evans. He would stop asking her, stop sending her flowers and stop trying to impress her. It was not working and he was making an arse out of himself every time he tried it. Instead, he would keep his eyes open and see if any other girl caught his attention. The wounds Evans constant rejections had caused would take some time to heal, but hopefully he would be alright again as soon as school was starting again. He would need some distraction in the meantime or his resolve would surely crumbly. James hated to be bored and boredom usually caused him to do something stupid. He wished Sirius was here, but his best friend was locked up in his parent's house. Remus was on holiday and Peter would not be much help in keeping him occupied. No, he had to keep himself busy. He would play Quidditch of course, but he had the desire to add something extra to his training regimen. An idea struck him as he took another gulp of vodka: He would use the summer to get better at duelling and defending himself against the dark arts. These were dark times and his family was strongly opposing Voldemort. This meant that they could easily become a target and he was by far the most vulnerable of his family. James realized in this moment that he was more worried about the war then he had previously thought. He could see no way the Ministry of Magic would defeat Voldemort in the foreseeable future, so a war would probably break out. A war which his family would probably not survive unscathed. These were dark thoughts, not really suitable for a 15 year old, but James could not close his eyes. He would surely have to fight at some time in the future and he had to be ready. Granted, he had no desire to actually get involved, but the fighting would probably find him. He was not going to flee the country like a coward.

After all, this was his fight too, even though the Death Eaters were primarily targeting Muggles and Muggleborns. The revolt was not about blood status, it was about power. The insurgents were challenging the existing elite and wanted to preserve the privileges of the old pure-blood families. James knew that they were ultimately wasting their time. The pure-bloods were becoming less and less every generation and the only way to preserve them right now was through heavy inbreeding. In the end, they would fail, but in the meantime they would destroy countless lives. James did not accept this. However, he was also worried about his family and his friends. He was the only heir of one of the most powerful pure-blood families which would probably prevent the death eaters from directly killing him, but this hesitation would not last forever. Maybe they would even try to coerce him into joining there ranks. He would never accept of course, but he had to be ready for them. James was a good dueller for a fifteen year old wizard, but he would be hard pressed to overpower a trained Death Eater. So, he would ask his parents for some lessons tomorrow. Both his parents were ex-Aurors and still strong for their age. They would surely be able to show him some new tricks. His father would probably be pleased that he showed some awareness of the current situation. He had been pressing James for years to be a better role model and to act more accordingly to his status. He accepted his escapades at school, but not when he was officially representing the family. As a result of this James could be quite well behaved if he had to. He had tried to rebel against it at first, but it had gotten him into so much trouble and caused his parents so much grief, that he had abandoned it. It simply was not worth it. Granted, his father would probably be less pleased that he had spent the night outside drinking, but at least he had bought the vodka with his own money rather than raiding the family liquor cabinet.

James generally got along well with his parents, who usually went out of their way to spoil their late and only child. However, his mischievous nature clashed with the stoic seriousness of his father at regular intervals. As retired head of the Depart of Magical Law Enforcement his father had dealt with office intrigues and the power struggle of the old pure-blood families for so long that he had adopted a rather grim view of the world. He was constantly thinking in terms of the family status and how their actions affected their relations to the other important families in the Wizarding World. As a result, his father was very careful in his actions and words and did his best to not unnecessarily provoke other families. Of course, James bold attitude and his general lack of respect for certain families as the Malfoys did not mix well with this. His mother on the other hand shared his father's tactfulness in dealing with other pure-bloods, but she was much more light hearted and rather mischievous herself. Hers and his father's marriage had been arranged by their parents, but they had grown fond of each other over the years. Overall James was happy with his upbringing, even though he sometimes wished that he could be more of himself rather than the heir of the Potter family. People expected him to behave in a certain way based on this family name and he was not allowed to just be himself. Being a pure-blood came with many privileges, but it also was a cage. Sirius knew this well. His best friend was a slave to his family's customs and James often wondered how long it would take until this conflict truly escalated. Sirius acted as though the constant strife with his parents did not bother him, but James knew better. Most of his friends actions were down to actively provoke his family and the estrangement was a very important part of his personality. James longed to help his friend, but he could see no way to actually solve this problem. Sirius probably would have to abandon his family in the future or adopt their lifestyle. James thought we knew which decision his friend would make, but in the end it was Sirius's call.

Determined James emptied the vodka bottle. He had made his decisions: He would be a better son to his parents and keep the families position in mind more often. Also, he would spend time during the summer and during schooling honing his duelling skills. James would probably have to fight in a war soon and he would be ready. Most importantly, he would stop chasing Lily Evans and start dating other witches. This was by far the most painful of his decisions, but it had to be done. Pleased about his plans, James fell asleep on the soft grass the bottle of vodka still in his hand.


	2. Sirius

While James was pondering what to do about Lily Evans, Sirius was brooding in his room in Grimmauld Place. The holiday had been even worse than he had anticipated. In a rare moment of cool headedness, he had decided before returning to his parent's house that he would avoid trouble this summer. He usually enjoyed riling his parents up, but facing their wrath was painful and exhausting. The little fun he got out of seeing his mother and father lose their tempers was not worth it. Not that they need extra provocation to have a go at him. After all, he was a Gryffindor and not directly supportive of Muggle persecution, both traits highly frowned upon in his family. Sirius had lost count of the number of times he had been called a blood traitor and a disappointment to the family a long time ago. He would like to say that his family's opinion of him did not bother him, but he knew deep down in his heart that it was not true. After all, he did a lot of things to intentionally piss them off. The first days of the summer had been quiet enough: He had stayed out of his mother's way and his father had been very busy working in the Ministry. However, tonight at dinner, things had taken a turn for the worse. His father had clearly told him that he expected more of Sirius in the next year. He had stressed that Sirius's frequent detentions and trouble at school were an embarrassment for the family and that they had to stop if he ever wanted to inherit the family fortune. Also, he noted that Sirius's marks could do with some improvements and that the company he kept at school was questionable. Sirius had to fight back a grin as his father described the bad influence that James supposedly was having on him. If only his father knew that James was usually the one keeping him in line. But of course his father worried about the Muggle friendliness of the Potter's poisoning his son's mind. While it was true that James had influenced Sirius in these topics, his main resistance to his parent's ideas came from simple , their worries about James corrupting their son were unfounded.

However, his father's demands had not stopped there. He had insisted that Sirius had to do something big to make up for his past failures. So, he had to prove his loyalties to the family and to their ideas so that no doubts remained. Sirius had known in this moment that whatever his father had in mind would be horrible. His father had explained that the strong believe in the superiority of pure-bloods and the desire to keep the line pure were the two pillars on which the house of Black had been erected so many years ago. Sirius had heard all this before and had strongly rejected these two principles many times in this past. His father had insisted that most of the current Wizarding World had lost the old ways and that only one true force of proper pure-blood behaviour remained: Lord Voldemort. Therefore, Sirius would join his Death Eaters and thereby proving his loyalty to the cause and making the world a better place. Sirius remembered the absolute silence following this father's statement. His mother had sat at her husband's side and had looked at Sirius expectantly, eagerly looking for any sign of defiance so that she could berate him as she had done so often in the past. Sirius had been in shock, a part of him had known what was coming, but he still had trouble believing that his father would try to force this on him. It was a bold move even for a Black. However, for once in his life, Sirius had kept his mouth shut and had reacted coolly and stoically like a pure-blood had to react in his father's eyes. He had told his father that it was an interesting idea and that he had to think about this suggestion for a while. To his surprise, his father had accepted that without questioning and had given him a week to ponder his suggestion. If he joined Voldemort, all would be forgiven and he would have showed everyone that he was the true heir to the glorious house of Black.

If he did not change the Death Eaters, though, he would no longer be part of the family and would be disowned. He would have to leave the house and never come back.

Sirius had simply said that he understood the terms and had asked for permission to leave the table. His father had let him go wordlessly and Sirius had snuck up to his room. That had been an hour ago and Sirius had mulled his current situation over continuously since then. Deep down, he knew that he could not join the Death Eaters. He would have to leave his family behind and start over. He had thought about leaving his family countless times in his life, but now he was strangely hesitant to severe the ties for good. He was strangely sad even though he had never gotten along with them in the past. Maybe he had overestimated his indifference to his family's opinions. Nevertheless, he would have to make a decision soon, dragging his feet would accomplish nothing. Sighing, Sirius stood up from his bed and walked over to his still packed school trunk. He had so far not been able to summon the energy to unpack the bloody thing. He opened it up and rummaged around in it for a moment, before finding what he was looking for: The half empty bottle of Firewhiskey he kept in their in case of an emergency. He went back to bed, cracked it open and took a deep swallow. The liquid burned his throat, but also restored some of his energy. Somehow, his life always seemed to be so much clearer with a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand. Sirius took another swallow and put the bottle down. It would not be a good idea to get drunk out of his mind right now. However, he knew now what he must do, frankly, he never had a choice. If his father wanted to him to choose between joining Voldemort and leaving the family, then Sirius would of course choose the latter. It was a surprisingly painful cut, but it had to be done.

Now, he would have to get out of this house. He would try to sneak out without telling his parents his decision. It was better this way. If he told them face to face, things would get ugly very fast and he would be lucky to escape the house with all of his body parts intact. After all, he would be considered an enemy of the family then and the Black family had always dealt ruthlessly with their enemies. So, he would grab his things and disappear into the night. His parents would know his decision as soon as they discovered that he was gone. By then, he would hopefully be far away. Sirius would go to the Potter's of course. He knew that James would not mind and while he loathed to bother his friend's parents, he was sure that they would let him stay at their house no questions asked. He would use the Knight Bus to get there as he was too young to Apparate. Energized, Sirus opened his trunk again. Everything he really needed was in there. His room in Grimmauld Place was mostly devoid of any personal items. He had plastered a Gryffindor banner on the wall as well was a poster of a Muggle motorbike, mainly to annoy his parent, but otherwise the room only held some of his more formal clothing. Therefore, he would not need much time to pack. During the next fifteen minutes, Sirius ruffled through his room and threw what few items he wanted to keep in this trunk. As it was becoming quite cluttered, he shrunk some of the more spacious content. Fortunately, he did not have to worry too much about the ban of underage magic. No Ministry official would dare to bother the Black family with such nonsense. In general, it was much harder to detect underage magic in an all magic family, so the ministry mostly ignored the issue. Finally, everything he wanted to take with him was safely stored in his trunk. Sirius sat down on his bed and took in his room for the last time. It was spacious and relatively bright room with a large wardrobe, a four poster bed and a sturdy writing desk. Both the desk and the wardrobe were made from ebony, one of the favourite materials of the Black family. The dark wood contrasted starkly with the red and gold Gryffindor banner Sirius had hung over the desk. He had toyed with the thought of taking it with him, but he had decided that it should remain here as a reminder for this parents how different he was. He had never particularly liked this room, but he had a feeling that he was going to miss it soon nevertheless. He took a deep breath, grabbed his trunk and walked to the door. Sirius gently opened the door a crack and listened for any sounds. The house was quiet. Regulus was staying with the Malfoys for a week and his parents seem to have gone to bed already. The coast was clear. The thought of Regulus saddened Sirius. They had gotten along very well in the past, but now they did not understand each other anymore at all. He should try to repair the relationship, but he had no idea how to do it. Maybe he would be able to talk with his brother at Hogwarts and explain the reasons behind his abandoning of the family. It was unlikely that Regulus would listen, but he should try nevertheless. Vowing to never set another foot in this house, Sirius snuck out of the front door and disappeared into the night.


	3. Remus

Remus looked down at the dark Hogwarts ground. They seemed so peaceful und beautiful. It was the mid of January and thick snow covered the ground. Remus was sitting on top of the Astronomy tower, with only a heating charm to protect himself from the biting cold. His life was a mess and it was all Sirius's fault. The full moon had been last week and as usual his three friends had planned to spend the night with him in their animal form. Remus had had a bad feeling from the start. Sirius had been very tense during the last weeks. His uncle Alphard had passed away recently, leaving Sirius an unexpected amount of gold. Sirius had been very surprised as he hardly knew his uncle, as Alphard was a black sheep of the family and Sirius's parents had been very determined to shield him from this bad influence. Apparently, Alphard had seen a kindred spirit in Sirius, as he was now officially no longer part of the Black family and therefore had left him so gold. However, the Black family did not accept this and were currently challenging the last will. Sirius had been summoned to the Ministry of Magic to give a statement regarding his relationship with Alphard and to explain why his late uncle had left him the gold. Remus was sure that Alphard's will was fool proof and would hold up in court, but Sirius had been very stressed out about this. His family had tried every dirty trick in the book to prevent him from getting the gold and it had taken his toll on him. To make matters even worse, Snape and the rest of the Slytherins had learned about the case and had started ribbing Sirius about it. This had made Sirius's mood even worse and Sirius usually had his worst ideas when he was really angry. Remus had known that his friend would blow up sooner or later, but he had not expected it to happen this way. The bloody fool had told Snape of all people how to get past the Whomping Willow.

Snape had been trying to find out where Remus disappeared to for some time now. He was probably searching for some way to get Remus and the other Marauders into trouble. On more than one occasion, they had seen him following sneakily and had to dodge him. Hence, Sirius had known for sure that Snape would follow his advice and enter the tunnel below the Whomping Willow. Remus did not know for sure what had happened this night. Both James and Sirius had been very close lipped about it. From what he had understood, Snape was the first to enter the tunnel in this night. Sirius must have realized what he had done shortly after telling Snape, because he had rushed off and told James about it. James had wasted no time and stormed out of the castle, trying to stop Snape. He had been too late to prevent Snape from getting past the Whomping Willow. Apparently, he had overpowered Snape in the tunnel and stunned him, before Remus could harm him, but Snape had caught a glimpse of him nevertheless. Then James had somehow fought the enraged werewolf off in his animagus form and dragged Snape to safety. Sirius had informed the headmaster in the meantime and both he and McGonagall had arrived shortly after James and Snape had left the tunnel. James had managed to turn back into his human form, before the teachers arrived, so their secret was still safe. The headmaster had sent both Snape and James to the Hospital Wing, even though none of them had been injured and had even thanked James for saving Snape. Sirius had been suspended for two weeks and was bound to be back in school tomorrow. Remus could not remember any of this, it had been a normal transformation for him, but when James told him about the night's events - probably glossing over the more gruesome details - he had been shocked. He should have known that something like this would have to happen sooner or later. They had been too careless, too proud of their own accomplishments. And now he had almost killed two people, including one of his best friends.

It was a bitter pill to swallow and initially Remus had planned to go to Dumbledore straight away and tell him that he would be leaving the school. He had worried about this in the past and had often felt bad for endangering his fellow students in general and the other Marauders in particular. However, James had foreseen this plan and had told him in no uncertain terms that was happened was not his fault and that he would stay in school whether he liked it or not. Remus had both been moved by James's trust in him and a bit annoyed at the way James was bossing him around, but he had complied nevertheless. James had been very upset at the time and Remus had not wanted to enrage him even further. Neither James nor Remus had spoken with Sirius about his motives behind telling Snape about Remus: James had been too busy rescuing the greasy git and Sirius had left the school before Remus and James could have asked him about it afterwards. James was still furious with his best friend, mostly because he had betrayed one of their biggest secrets. Of course, James also did not want Snape to be killed or turned into a werewolf, but there was such much hatred between the two of them that this was not his main concern. Remus had been both livid and sickened at first, but now he was strangely calm about it. Sirius had made a grave mistake and had recklessly endangered James, Snape and Remus himself. Remus had every reason to never talk to him again. However, Remus was reluctant to make this cut. James, Sirius and Peter were the first real friends he had ever had and who had accepted him regardless of the Lycanthropy. They had experienced so much together that it felt like an overreaction to throw it all away. If he broke ties with Sirius, James and Peter would still remain, but Remus was sure that it would never be the same.

James would be miserable without his best friend and the Marauders would cease to exist. While James was still livid with Sirius, Remus was sure that he wanted to forgive him and probably would at some point in the future. James was probably already racking his brain about Sirius's reasons for telling Snape and trying to find a way to lessen his best friend's guilt. However, Remus had the distinct impression that James was following his lead in this issue. James had always been very supportive regarding Remus Lycanthropy and highly keen to keep his condition a secret. Therefore, he could not forgive Sirius if Remus refused to do so in the first place. After all, Remus was the one Sirius betrayed most. James had not told Remus this, of course, but his guts told Remus that he was right. So, here he was. He could either choose to forgive Sirius and hope that everything would be alright again or he could not forgive him and thereby seal the end of the Marauders. He would have to decide soon, the longer this rift would be going on the worse the damage would be. It was an impossible choice. Remus was shocked by Sirius's betrayal and horrified at what could have happened. He should have every right to be pissed at him and to kick him out of his life, but he liked Sirius and he loved the Marauders. He had come to the Astronomy Tower to think this whole issue through. He liked the place and had often come here in the past to think or to just enjoy the view. He had hoped that would find a solution here, but so far he had not made any progress. Sighing, Remus fumbled in his pockets and extracted a package of cigarettes. He was not much of smoker, but he had smoked with James and Sirius in the past. Ironically, he had nicked this package from Sirius a few weeks ago. He opened it up and found that only one cigarette remained. He took it, put it in his mouth and lit it with his wand.

He inhaled the acrid smoke and held it in for a moment before letting it out again like James and Sirius had told him. He hated the taste in his mouth and the burning in his lungs, but he could already feel the buzz coming in and welcomed it. For a moment he just sat there, smoking his cigarette on the top of the Astronomy Tower, all other thoughts wiped away from his mind. This peace of mind was very welcome, as it made him realize how tense he had been in the past weeks since the incident. After half his cigarette was gone, he mind returned to the issue at hand. He could think about it as long as he wanted to, in the end only one questions remained: Would he be able to give Sirius a second chance or were the wounds his friend's betrayal had caused to deep? Frankly, Remus was not sure, but he knew that he had always been a firm believer in second chances, probably because he had never gotten a second one, as soon as someone had learned about his condition. Also, Dumbledore had once told him that everybody deserved a second chance to rectify whatever damage they had inflicted. Dumbledore had even told him that this was one of the reasons why he had allowed Remus to be a Hogwarts student, so that Remus could have his second chance. Who was he to ignore Dumbledore's advice? It was decided then. He would talk to Sirius and see what he had to say as soon as he had returned to school. If Sirius seems to be truly sorry than Remus would try to forgive him and would even try to mend the rift between Sirius and the rest of the Marauders. Their friendship was too precious to be wrecked in a single moment of carelessness. Remus hoped that Sirius would make it easy for him and not be an arse. With this last thought he tossed his finished cigarette down from the tower and headed back inside. He still had an essay to finish.


	4. Lily

Lily Evans was sitting in the dim light of the head student quarters staring into the dying embers of the fire. It was a late Friday night in the beginning of the seventh year. She was alone. The only other inhabitant of the room was her fellow Head Boy James Potter and he was out doing god knows what. James Potter, the bane of her existence. She could not wrap her head around this boy. It had been a shock to her that he of all people had been chosen as Head Boy this year. At first, she had been convinced that Dumbledore had finally gone crazy. After all, who in his right mind would give this kind of responsibility to the ringleader of the Marauders? But after she had some time to cool down, she had grudgingly admitted to herself that he had changed a lot in the last year. He got into much less trouble, partly because less pranks occurred and partly because they apparently tried harder not to get caught. Also, he had not hexed any student without a reason as far as she knew. She had trouble believing it at first, but he seemed to have grown up. Combine this with his great performance as the Quidditch Captain - Gryffindor had won the cup in the last year - she could see some reasons for making him Head Boy though she would never admit it to his face. Their relationship had been always been strained and currently she had no idea where they stood. He had more or less ignored her completely during the sixth year. It had been a disturbingly strong change. He had been pestering her all the time during the fifth year, asking her out all the time and making a fool out of himself trying to impress her. All of this was gone when he returned from the holidays. In fact, they had hardly spoken to each other at all during the year. At first, Lily had been pleasantly surprised by the lack of attention, but she had realized after about a month that she actually missed it.

She still had no idea why exactly Potter's lack of attention bothered her. Her only explanation was that it had been part of her life at Hogwarts for so long that it felt wrong without it. Potter seemed to have decided that the joke had gone old as he had not only not bothered her anymore but gotten himself a steady girlfriend as well. Amber Marchbanks was a very pretty seventh-year student from Ravenclaw and James and she had dated almost for the whole last year. She was tall, with long silky blonde hair and an athletic build. As far as Lily knew they had broken up during the past summer, but she was not exactly sure why. She probably could ask her friend Marlene about it, but so far had not screwed up the courage to do so. Lily knew that Marlene would tease her mercilessly for her sudden interest in Potter's love life. Marlene seemed to have the absurd notion that Lily fancied Potter and should go out with him. Lily had shot her done so often during the past year that she did not want to further encourage this idea. However, as much as Lily loathed admitting it, Marlene had a small point. While she obviously did not fancy Potter, she had to admit that some sexual tension existed between the two of them. Or at least between her and Potter as she was not sure that he still liked her this way. This whole nightmare had started shortly before the end of the last school year, after Gryffindor had won the Quidditch cup. After the match had been over and the roaring crowd had finally released them, the Gryffindor players had rushed back into the changing rooms to change. Lily told Marlene that she would wait for her at the pitch, before they would head back to the Gryffindor tower for the celebration. She waited for half an hour when her patience had run out and she walked over to the changing rooms to find out what was taking her friend so long. When she entered, the place seemed to be empty. However, two bundles of clothes were strewn all over the floor, so someone was definitely still here.

Also, Lily could hear the shower running in the background. Marlene was probably still in the shower and would be out soon. At first Lily had wanted to leave the cabins and continue to wait outside. After all, she did not want to snoop around and bother anyone. But then a distinct moan made her pause. Lily was a virgin, but she recognized the sound of sex by now, thanks to her late night patrols and the horny inhabitants of the castle. Was Marlene having sex in there? If so with whom? As far as Lily knew, her friend was currently not seeing anyone. After a short struggle with herself, she decided to just take a brief look. After all she should make sure that her friend was alright and nobody would see her if she was careful.

Silently, she crept to the shower stalls and looked inside. It was foggy and quite dark, so it took her some time to actually make out what was going one. Then she spotted the couple shagging against the shower wall in plain view of the entrance. However, it was not Marlene at all. Instead, she saw Amber getting ploughed hard by no other than James Potter! She was pressed against the wall, clinging to James's body with her legs and kissing him with her hands tangled in his messy hair. He had placed his hands on the shower wall and was thrusting in her. Lily could see the strong muscles on his back and his ass flexing with each stroke. He was in great shape, not overly bulky, but lean and defined. The water flowing over his body caused his hair to be plastered against his head and made his skin glisten in the twilight. Lily had nether seen anything that erotic. Her breath caught at the sight and for a few heartbeats she could only numbly watch Potter shag his girlfriend. Especially his firm arse caught her eyes. While the rest of his body was slightly tanned, it remained white and the visible tan lines somehow turned her on. Lily felt the wetness pooling in her panties and she had to contain a sudden moan. Her mind was wiped blank and she did not known what to do. Only when Amber moaned Potter's name, Lily returned to sanity.

She suddenly realized that she was watching two other students shag like a pervert and that she could get caught at any moment. Barely stifling a squeak, she hastily returned to the locker room. Fortunately, Potter and Amber were way too busy to hear her. In the darkness of the save changing room, Lily took a few deep breaths to calm her beating heart. She was still very turned on, but her mind had started to clear. Sweet Merlin, what a thing to walk into! While she had broken up quite a lot of shagging in broom cupboards during her rounds, she had never seen the act in such detail. She had not really been prepared for the raw carnality of it. After all, she was a virgin and her sexual experience had never surpassed oral sex and even that had only been once. What should she do now? Normally, she would interrupt Potter and Amber without a second doubt and maybe issue a detention for inappropriate behaviour, but somehow she did not have the strength to do it today. No, she could not handle going inside the showers once more. She would get out of here and never think of it again. Bloody Potter! Why did he always have to cause trouble? Hastily, she left the changing rooms and nearly bowled over Marlene in the process.

"There you are", said Marlene. "I left the changing rooms five minutes ago and wanted to meet you at the pitch, but you were gone."

"Yes", replied Lily weakly. "I was looking for you, because you were taking so long. We must have barely missed us."

"Yeah, sorry about that, I took an extra-long shower to get the kinks out of my muscles. Is anyone still in here? When I left only James was left and he said he would only take a quick shower and then leave too."

"He is still there," squeaked Lily, fighting down the blush threatening to take over her face. Marlene's words brought back the fresh memories of Potter and Amber and Lily really did not want Marlene to notice that anything was going on.

"Should we wait for him?"

"No!" cried Lily. "I mean, it will probably take some time and I do not want to talk to Potter. Let's go."

"Are you alright, Lily?" asked Marlene suspiciously. "You seem nervous."

"No, everything is fine", replied Lily. "You know I am not fond of Potter and he will be insufferable after this win. So, I want to avoid him as much as possible."

"You really have to work at these issues, you know", said Marlene, shaking her head softly. To Lily's relief she seemed to believe her and the two of them started their way towards the castle. "He is not that bad if you got to know him better, the two of you would probably get along."

Lily made an indecisive noise and tuned her out. She was still processing what she had seen in the shower. Hopefully, the celebration would distract her. She needed to clear her head and then forget about all of it. With a bit of luck, she would already have forgotten about it tomorrow.

Unfortunately for Lily, she had been unable to forget Potter's escapes as quickly as she had planned. In fact, it had taken a permanent hold in her sexual fantasies. During the past summer, she had awoken from an erotic dream involving her and Potter at least once a week and it had driven her nuts. She had even succumbed to pleasuring herself to these fantasies, but her sexual desire for her old school nemesis did not go away. She could not understand it. Lily had always known deep in her heart that Potter was attractive, but in the past his ugly personality had wiped away any attraction for him. Now, however, his personality was the last thing on her mind. She only wanted him to shag her silly and it was bothering her very much. During the summer, she had considered hooking up with a random Muggle boy to relieve the sexual tension and thereby get Potter out of the head, but she had found something wrong with every possible candidate. Also, she normally strongly opposed the idea of casual sex. She had always believed that an emotional connection had to be there for her to even consider kissing a boy, but apparently this rule did not apply for Potter as she did not even like him, but frequently fantasized about shagging him. However, she had to admit that he had changed and that she did not really know this new James Potter. They had barely spoken to each other over the past year and even though they had been Head Boy and Head Girl for almost a month now, Lily still had been unable to wrap her head around him. He was much quieter than she remembered and so far was taking his duties very seriously, much to her surprise. Their few one on one interactions had been brief, cool and professional. They had not fought once in all this time. Of course, there had been disagreements, but they had been able to solve them without shouting insults at each other. However, she was not sure how Potter actually felt about her. His indifferent behaviour bothered her. Lily had always been able to handle the boisterous Potter who had asked her out all the time, but this new calm and mysterious Potter was something else. Was he angry with her? She had seen him with his mates and he was much more vibrant and joyful with them. It was easy to spot glimpses of the old James Potter then, but with almost anyone else he was his new cool self. Of course, he had not completely changed his personality. The Marauders still played pranks after all, but James made very sure that he was not caught. He was still slacking off in most of the classes, while getting very good marks. Occasionally, his old arrogance shined through, but overall he was much more laid back than in the past. This change confused Lily, as she had no idea how to deal with the new more mature James Potter, especially because she was now also lusting after him.

She had the desire to get to know him better, so that she could understand him again, but so far she had achieved very little in this regard. After all, they had close to nothing in common and ran in different social circles. Their interactions were more or less limited to head student business and Potter had been reluctant to talk about anything other. While Lily was grateful about his professionalism, she would prefer some more personal topics. Lily shook her head at herself. When she had learned that Potter would be her fellow Head Boy, she had expected him to be a menace which would force her to do all the work herself and now she was complaining about just this professionalism. No, she was not making any sense. She would have to do something soon or she would lose her mind over all this rubbish. But she had no idea what exactly she should do. The idea to ask him out blazed through her brain for a moment. That would certainly be an option. While she was not sure that she wanted James as a boyfriend, going to a few dates with him would probably be fun. She would get to know this new version of him and maybe even get some sexual relieve - she blushed at the mere thought - in the process. Unfortunately, she had no idea what James would say if she asked him, as far as Lily could tell, he was not at all interested in her. Should she take a leap of faith and just ask him? No, that was way too risky and it would come out of nowhere for him. She needed to get to know him better and try to find out where they stood. Yes, that's what she was going to do. And when he asked her of the next, time she was going to say yes.


	5. Peter

Years later, in 1981, Peter opened the door to his small apartment in London, quickly entered and slammed the door behind him. The mid October weather outside was dreadful: chilly, windy and rainy. It matched Peter's mood. He shock off his cloak, extracted a bottle of Firewhiskey he had bought on his way home from the cloak's pocket and sat down at his kitchen table. His flat was small, old and dingy with only one room with a tiny kitchen nestled in a corner and a separate bathroom. It was not much, but it was relatively cheap and got him away from his overbearing mother. Peter fished a shot glass out of one of the kitchen cupboards and put it on the table. He sat down, filled the glass up the brim with Firewhiskey and drank in one large gulp. The whiskey did little to lift his mood, so he quickly drank another glass. What he had he gotten himself into? He pushed up his left sleeve and had a look at the Dark Mark on his arm. He had gotten it barely a year ago and so far it had only got him into trouble. He had thought himself so clever when he got it. The Dark Lord had been pushing for more and more power and this scumbag Avery had knocked on his mother's door one evening, saying that he wanted to speak to him. Peter had seen no way to refuse, so he had listened to whatever his old classmate had to say. Peter knew little about Avery then, only that he was a supporter of the Dark Lord and that James and Sirius had hexed him on more than one occasion. Avery told him that the times were changing and that he would be smart to join the winning side. He stated that Peter had a place on their side and that the Dark Lord took care of his own. He even would be so generous to overlook Peter's Half Blood status and all he would have to do in return is to supply some information.

Peter felt a chill down his spine at this generous offer. He had heard enough to know how the Dark Lord treated his enemies and that he did not treat his subjects much better. He had no desire to become involved in this insane war. He was a member of the Order of the Phoenix, but mainly because all of his friends had joined it. He was not going to risk his neck and so far he had only gotten harmless assignments from the Order. He had hoped to get through the war without it sucking him in, but it seems that his luck had run out. He scooped up his courage and told Avery that he was not interested and that he should please leave the house. To his surprise Avery just smiled and said that he would come back in a week to see if Peter had changed his mind by then. Then he disappeared into the night. Peter told his mother that everything was fine and she believed him. He had considered telling James that Avery had been there, but had reconsidered at the last moment. If he told James, everyone would know that he had been asked to join the Death Eaters and nothing good would come out of this. Peter doubted that the Order really had the power to protect its members from the Dark Lord's wrath and ever if it did, it hardly would waste its resources to protect him and his mother. No, he was not going to tell anybody about this. If Avery would come back, than he would tell somebody. After all nothing had happened yet. His friends would just think him paranoid.

However, Peter had not told his friends even after Avery had come back the next week. Peter had been anxious during the whole week, seeing the Death Eater in every shadow. The Death Eaters had been very active during the week, committing two massacres of Muggle and murdering a prominent family for their resistance. The Ministry had been in chaos and fear had clutched the most members of the wizarding world. Peter had not forgotten about Avery's words and the sudden Death Eater activity had made his skin crawl and had weakened his resolve to decline Avery's offer. Then, on Thursday, James and Lily had been ambushed during an Order of the Phoenix mission. They had barely escaped; especially James had been in a bad shape and had to be sent to St. Mungo's for further treatment. Peter had visited him and had seen his friend lying unconscious in a hospital bed looking more dead than alive. Sirius had been there to, but he had been too busy trying to calm Lily down to pay much attention to Peter. Peter's suspicion had been confirmed: It was clearly not safe to be a member of the Order if even two highly talented people like Lily and James had almost been killed. What hope did this leave for someone with his limited talent? Since he had left the hospital at Thursday shortly before midnight, Avery's offer had been on his mind. It seemed to him that they were all damned. The Dark Lord was winning and resisting him seemed to be a death warrant. He had always been a weak wizard and he was a terrible dueller. He would be easy prey for a group of Death Eaters and they seemed to know that he was working for Dumbledore. Peter did not believe in this whole blood purity nonsense, but he did not care enough about it, to risk his life fighting the Death Eaters. However, he must not betray his friends. It was an impossible choice to make. On Saturday, Peter still had not made a decision. He had been jumpy while waiting for Avery to appear, hoping with all his heart that the Death Eater had just forgotten about him and would not renew his blasted offer. At five in the afternoon, he had been unable to bare the tension anymore and had gone to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink. When he had come back after an hour, with his nerves slightly calmed by the Firewhiskey, everything had seemed to be fine.

He had hung up his cloak and had called for his mother, only to freeze in his step. Avery had been sitting on the dinner table chatting animatedly with his mother. Peter felt the dread settling in his stomach. He was able to see the threat behind this harmless scene. They would not be going after him if he refused them; they would kill his mother first. Bloody Bastards! After Avery had noticed him, he rose from the table and asked Peter smoothly whether he had considered his offer. Peter wanted to throw him out of the house in this moment, but he could not scoop up the courage. Instead, he meekly said that he would be glad to work with him. Avery gave him a thin smile, congratulated him for doing the right thing and disappeared into the night.

This was how he had become a Death Eater. Peter liked to believe that it was not a conscious act, that he had stumbled into it and that he had no choice, but in his heart he knew that this was not true. After having made the choice to become a servant of the Dark Lord, he had done everything asked of him to stay in his new master's good graces. Fortunately, this had not been much. He was primarily used as an informant, leaking information about the activity of the Order of the Phoenix to the Death Eaters. Peter did not know how they had figured out that he was part of the Order, as he had not been involved in any high profile work, but they seemed keen for any information about it. He had also carried a message or two, but nothing else had been asked of him. He had even been able to join the Death Eaters without killing anybody, which as far as he knew was quite rare. However, Peter knew that he was not a high profile member and would only so long be spared from the serious fighting as long as he could deliver the desired information.

Admittedly, the information he leaked to the Death Eaters were not terribly important. Peter was a low ranking member of the Order and therefore only had access to the information available to each member. Also, the Order was mostly occupied with defensive actions and intelligence gathering which did not really threaten the Dark Lord. However, he had given the complete list of all Order of the Phoenix members which he knew about. Now, five members of the Order were dead, murdered in their own homes. Peter liked to believe that it was not his fault that these five people had died and that the Dark Lord would have known about them even without his help, but deep down he knew that he was only fooling himself. Fortunately, none of his close friends had died so far, even though Lily and James had barely escaped the Dark Lord during two further missions. Peter was relieved that he had not known about their missions and therefore also had not told the Death Eaters about them. Sometimes he felt that he had made a mistake by joining the Death Eaters. He had underestimated how hard it would be to betray his friend. However, it seemed to clear to him that the Dark Lord was winning this war as neither the Ministry nor the Order of the Phoenix had been able to make any real progress in defeating him. He should have never gotten involved in this stupid war in the first place, but he had had no choice. Now, he was committed. He would never be able to walk away from the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix members would never forgive his betrayal. So, he tried to make his life less painful by distancing himself from his old friends, especially from Lily and James. Both were high on the Dark Lord's death list and it would only be a matter of time before they were dead. Whenever Peter spent time with them or their little son, he could feel the dread and pain settling in his stomach. He felt like a prophet, the only person being able to see the looming the worst part was that he was actually helping the forces behind the disaster. It was an almost unbearable situation.

Now things had actually gotten worse. Lily and James had finally wizened up and decided to go into hiding with the help of the Fidelius spell. They had been very secretive about their plans and Peter had only learned about it when Sirius had shown up at his flat two days ago in the middle of the night. He had dragged Peter to the Potter's cottage in Godric's Hallow. There he had explained the plan to Peter together with James while Lily had been making tea. Sirius had stressed that Peter was the best choice for the secret keeper and James had agreed even though Peter could tell that he would have preferred Sirius as a secret keeper. At first, Peter had been hesitant to fill this role. Naturally, his friends had thought that this was caused by his lack of bravery, but in reality Peter wanted to protect them. He would not have to tell the Dark Lord about their location if he did not know it. However, James and Sirius had insisted and when Lily had chimed in, Peter had admitted defeat. After all, how could he deny his friends this favour without admitting that he was a Death Eater? He would have never gotten out of there alive if his friends had learned the truth. James and Sirius hated the Death Eaters with passion and both of them were very capable duellers. So, he had agreed and half an hour later the spell had been cast and he was the Potter's secret keeper. James had clapped him on the back, when Peter took his leave, telling him what a great friend he was. Peter had felt sick in his stomach. So here he was, in an impossible situation. He had tried to decide over the last few days what to do next. He could not fool himself anymore. If he told the Dark Lord about the Potter's location, all of them would die. However, if he did not tell the Dark Lord he was as good as dead.

Granted, currently his master did not know about the Fidelius charm yet, but in Peter's opinion it was only matter of time. He had suspected for some time that he was not the Dark Lord's only information source within the Order of the Phoenix and the Potter's usage of the protective charm was by now quite common knowledge within the Order. Of course, everybody assumed Sirius to be the secret keeper, but this would not help Peter if the Dark Lord decided to question him about Sirius's whereabouts. The Dark Lord could tell if someone lied and Peter was sure that he would be able to determine that Peter was the secret keeper. If that happened, Peter was as good as dead, as the Dark Lord did not tolerate any kind of disobedience. So, had to tell his master that he was the secret keeper or he was as good as dead. He really had no choice. He did not want to die and he had never asked to join this bloody war. After all, he had only joined the Order of the Phoenix because all his friends had. Why had they not all stayed out of this war? Then he would not be in this impossible situation. No, there really was no other way, he would have to betray his friends if he wanted to live. Disgusted with himself, Peter downed another shot of Firewhiskey. Then, he leapt up and grabbed his cloak again. There really was no point wasting any more time. He had made his decision and delaying carrying it out only increased his risk. He would seek out his master right away and get it over with. Of course, he did not know his master's location, but he would be able to find Avery without any problem and he knew where the Dark Lord was. Just when Peter wanted to go out of the door a thought blazed through his head. Maybe he could head to Dumbledore and tell him everything. The headmaster would surely forgive him and protect him from the Dark Lord. This was his chance to prevent the worst. After all, Dumbledore was the only man the Dark Lord had every feared, was he not? Peter hesitate for a moment, but then discarded the idea. Dumbledore had not been able to protect the other members of the Order of the Phoenix, why should he be more successful in his case? After all, he was a traitor, so it was unlikely that Dumbledore would really care about his fate. Sighing, Peter went through the door and out into the night.

The End


End file.
